Caught up in the Present
Being fully present means focusing all of yourself – your energy, feelings, thoughts – on the exact moment you are in.
As we go through our daily lives many of us are always looking forward to something in the future. Whether it be a long vacation, an upcoming date night, or just the evening when the work day is over. We tend to focus on another time, rather than being present.
I am guilty of this on a weekly basis. Always looking forward to the weekend, counting down the days until Friday. Those two sweet days of freedom from work and hectic schedules. The two days where I feel like I can really relax and enjoy time with my family.
Recently, I began to realize just how much of my life I was missing. For 260 days of the year I was letting time pass by without much attention to what was happening around me. All because I couldn’t wait for the two days at the end of the week.
260 days…that is almost 75% of the year just passing me by.
I started exploring ways to be more present and take advantage of the 260 days I was missing instead of just letting them slip by. Realizing that living in this way really wasn’t living at all. As I started to dissect the moments and try and be more present – I found out how hard this concept is in our current society. Even on the weekends I truly wasn’t present in the moment.
Distraction was everywhere.
Our phones seemed to be the biggest culprit. I have always been pretty good at not using it at the dinner table or when having a conversation with someone, but I still found myself on it more than I liked. Checking social media, texting friends, and even taking pictures. I noticed this happened mostly in times of quiet. When I was riding in the car during a long trip or relaxing on the couch at night. Instead of taking these times to reflect on my day or have meaningful conversations with those around me, I was scrolling through Facebook.
Distraction for me also tends to creep up from my ever-growing to-do list. There is always something that needs to be done. Whether it be laundry, cleaning, or meal planning – it seems to be never ending. Instead of focusing on the moment, I find myself planning every aspect of precious upcoming hours in order to try and squeeze everything in.
On my exploration towards becoming more present, I discovered the concept of mindfulness. In the words of Jon Kabat-Zinn, “Mindfulness if paying attention on purpose to the present moment.”
I could write many posts on what the meaning is behind being mindful – and I probably will. But for the purpose of being more present in our everyday lives, the meaning lies in being aware of the distractions that keep you from the present and discovering ways to let them go. Once we determine how to remove or ease these distractions in our lives, we can become more present.
Truly being present can improve our everyday lives in so many ways. It allows us to build stronger relationships with those around us and create a better, more positive, foundation within us. This is why it is such an important step towards living a positive life. The more you can clear your mind of the “clutter” distraction causes, the more you can focus on bettering your life and the world around you.
Here are five easy steps you can take to start being more mindful and living the present.
Disconnect.
Our phones tend to rip us from the present moment more than any other distraction. Once you become aware of this distraction, you will see just how often you are on your phone during the day. Take a week and just track how often you are on your phone. Look at what times you seem to check it most. Was it necessary? Or was it habit? Maybe it is when you first wake up in the morning or when you are lying in bed about to go to sleep.
Write down these times and habits you have on a piece of paper so you can see how often you are distracted. Then find ways to cut the times down. When you feel yourself reaching for your phone habitually, ask yourself if it is really necessary. Instead, use these moments to reflect on your day or have a meaningful conversation with your loved ones.
Set rules when it comes to using technology. In our house we have a rule of disconnecting at 9pm each night and we do not use phones when we are lying in bed. Pledge to not use your devicing at the dinner table or when you are riding in the car. It can also be helpful to have a “phone dump zone”. A place to put your devices out of arm’s reach during these no tech times.
Focus on your Breath.
When you feel your thoughts start to wander from the present moment, focus on your breath. Structured breathing can halt your wandering thoughts and bring you back into the current moment. Inhale deeply through your nose for four seconds. Focus on the inhale – on your lungs filling up. Exhale, allowing the air to escape slowly through your mouth while focusing on your lungs emptying. Repeat this at least three times or until you feel grounded again in the moment. There is a reason breathing techniques are used to widely in medication and yoga – they really work!
Listen more.
Make the conscious effort to really listen to someone when they are talking to you. Most of the time we are only listening to part of the conversation while we are thinking about what is next on our to do list at the same time. Or we only listen in order to respond – we know what our next response will be halfway through the conversation, so we just stop listening. This also applies to other areas of our lives. How many of us actually intently listen to our favorite song when it comes on the radio? Or listen to the birds chirping outside? Or listen to the cues that our body is giving us?
Start taking time to truly listen. While your out in nature listen for the birds chirping or the wind blowing through the leaves. Instead of thinking of your next response when someone is talking, listen to what they are saying first. Take some time after they finish talking to think of a response. A little silence while you gather your thoughts is okay!
Slow down.
We live in a fast paced society where we are constantly in a state of go go go. Always doing something or going somewhere or thinking about our next task. How many times a day do you just sit and do nothing? Probably not that often – and honestly you probably “can’t”. Taking time for ourselves to just sit and do nothing is often frowned upon or not realistic in today’s world. It as viewed as lazy and selfish.
Break this notion and focus on BEING instead of DOING. Carve time out of your day to just sit and do nothing. Don’t talk to anyone. Don’t check your phone. Just be. Use this time to relax and reset. Even if it is just for a few minutes every once in awhile. One of the best ways to do this throughout the day is to set reminders on your phone (which is constantly with us right?). Set a reminder to go off three times a day. When the timer goes off, wrap up with you are working on and take five minutes to just do nothing.
During times when doing nothing is not an option, slow down and enjoy your tasks as you are doing them instead of rushing onto the next one. Focus on the taste of the food as you’re eating your meal instead of scarfing it down so you can get the kids to bed. If you are doing a task you may not enjoy, try and think of something that is positive about it. Think about how nice the warm water feels on your hands while you are doing dishes. Or how you’re getting your workout for the day in while you’re shoveling the driveway.
This concept of slowing down is especially important when thinking about how fast life already seems to move. Why are we trying to make it seem to move faster by rushing through tasks?
Complete One Task at a Time.
Similarly to speeding through tasks, doing more than one thing at a time can cause you to miss important moments. Reduce the urge to multitask. Many times when we do too many things at once, we make mistakes and may only finish half of the task. We also tend to feel more overwhelmed and rushed, making it harder to focus on the present moment.
Make a list at the beginning of each week of what you want to accomplish. As you move down your list, finish one thing before moving onto the other and allow yourself to enjoy each and every accomplishment as you complete it. Take a moment to reflect on the task completed and then move on to the next.
Connect with your Senses.
Increase awareness of your emotions and the environment around you. When sitting outside, focus on the feeling of warmth from the sun or the coolness of the breeze. While running or walking, focus on how your feet feel hitting the ground. Sit and take in the beauty of a sunrise or the melody of a song. Allow your senses to fully take over during those moments and focus on how they make you feel. Do this one sense at a time. First smelling the flowers, and then feeling how soft they are.
Become more aware of your emotions, too. Allow yourself to feel sad in times of sorrow or angry in times of frustration. Realize that these emotions are not meant to last forever and let go of the feeling once the moment passes.
Forgive.
Dwelling on the past steals us from the present moment just as much as focusing on some future event does. We have all had that one person we can’t forgive for something they did 5 years ago. Or that one mistake we made that always seems to haunt us. We must forget about these emotions and forgive others as well as ourselves for things done in the past.
Forgiveness can be hard, but is necessary. There is no point on allowing resentful feelings to overcome us. We cannot do anything about what has happened in the past. We must allow ourselves to “get over it” and move on in order to bring our focus to the present.
I would love to hear from you! How do you live in the present moment and stay mindful? What challenges do you face?